Barnes and Ignoble

OK, here's a vendor that DOESN'T deserve one discretionary dollar, this time of year or ever.

Barnes and Noble. GOD they constantly disappoint. They closed down the convenient 22nd-and-6th location down the street from my apartment last year. So I went online to do some Xmas shopping for family members in Connecticut (HATE schlepping packages on the train). I selected items that were "available for immediate delivery" in their warehouse and ordered on the 16th, to ensure delivery well in advance of the 24th. Bought a bunch of gifts for my little sister, INDIVIDUALLY wrapped and shipped (made the mistake last year of bundling my B&N order...delayed processing on ONE item held up the whole lot).

So on the 18th, my inbox starts filling up with these INFURIATING emails from B&N...apparently some of the items I ordered were NOT readily accessible; there'd be a one-to-five-day hold-up on SHIPPING (not delivery...that's another 3-8 BUSINESS days). What a HUGE, inexcusable disconnect between fulfillment and B&N's etail interface. To pour salt in the wound, they gave me the option of CANCELING my order! Um, a little late for that, ass clowns. Called customer "service" to clarify and expedite...sassy and inept.

NEVER again.
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Trikanasana

Or "The Triangle," #9 of the 26 poses of Bikram Yoga.

It's 105 degrees. It's intense. And after 90 minutes, you're a melted pool of goo a la Elphaba Thropp. But the payoff is astonishing. After the nausea and exhaustion wear off (in an hour or two for beginners), an electric current of vitality should course through your veins the remainder of the day. Disciples boast panacean results: joint rejuvenation, age reversal, weight loss, immune boosting. See for yourself, I've been doing it on and off for years. If you can't make it to a studio, still a great home workout, even sans heat. Dress code: men, gym/biking shorts, women the same with spandexy top. Ingest gallons of water/Gatorade prior. First week only $20 for first-timers, mat rental included. I bring my own mat and towel.

Bikram Yoga Manhattan
250 W. 26th Street, 3rd Floor (btw. 7th & 8th), NYC
212-929-9052
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Queerview Cinemas

Living next to a movie theatre is a great thing.

My apartment overlooks the backside of Clearview Cinemas on 23rd. Every Thursday they have a discounted 7pm showing of a camp classic...Baby Jane, The Women (NOT that ghastly 2008 remake)...hosted by drag-on lady Hedda Lettuce.

I just caught TWILIGHT (trailer above). WHAT is the big dealio? ROBERT PATTINSON's nice enough to gawk at, but the film (pardon the pun) pales next to bloodsucking classics like Lost Boys I and II, and 1979's Dracula with Frank Langella (which I'll cover in a future post on TrashBulb). Twilight has some quirky Lynchian touches (Twin Peak-y sets, camera shots held uncomfortably long), but otherwise it's completely missable. A family of kindly chalk-white superpowered vampires moves to rainy Washington state and seeks to keep their undead-ness a secret by sending their kids to PUBLIC school? All the while avoiding their ancestral Native American bad-hair-extensioned nemeses (shades of Manitou) who live on the RESERVATION next door? C'mon. Still, better than HBO's crappy TRUE BLOOD with unwatchable ANNA PAQUIN...expected so much more from ALAN BALL.

At least I sat through some great trailers...can't wait for THE UNBORN and PUSH.
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